Archives for April 2010

Kris Radish wrote a compelling piece on chance in The Huffington Post this week. The odd chance we have in meeting someone important or significant in our life while stranded at an airport is the stuff of great chick flicks. It’s why we read novels and watch television. We love the idea that life is bigger than us, that our tiny footprint is nothing in the great cosmic scheme of life. It’s why we subscribe to the notion that there is one great love. One great career. One great purpose. And all of our life is merely a path leading us right to this very moment. Trapped in an airport. Broken down on the side of a road. It is calming and reassuring to believe that there is a master plan. That everything does, in fact, happen for a reason. The great love of our life that we meet in the hospital while tending to a sick relative. The best friend who enters our life in a particularly horrible drivers ed course. It is this balance that keeps us moving forward. It is this opportunity for chance that only happens if you keep moving forward.

Happiness is all about faith and perspective. You must have the faith to hold on, knowing you could be one minute away from the miracle. And you have to have the perspective to understand that in the scheme of things, everything does happen for a reason.

I am a curious soul. I am always trying to better understand the world around me as well as my reaction to it. I find that this search for understanding helps me deal with the heavy blows and appreciate the sweetness when it rushes into my life. As I have quoted before about the “unexamined life,” I think it is never more evident than when we read about miracles that occur on a random, inconsequential afternoon. It is the belief that anything is possible that fuels us. That any day can turn on a dime. We must keep a certain degree of faith in our heart that love is everywhere, and fate will lead us straight into its’ path.

I was asked to present an award at my alma mater this weekend. Unfortunately, I have a business-related event the same night. I contemplated double booking and seeing if I could make it across the city in record time, but had visions of Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses and thought better of it. For those who haven’t seen the movie, rent it!

I was explaining my dilemma to my sister while my niece played quietly in the corner. (Side note: she was practicing for Minute to Win It by trying to carry M&M’s across the room using only a straw. If you haven’t ever seen the show, I’ve probably lost you. And she wasn’t actually that quiet…but I’m trying to paint a picture here.)

ME: So they want me to present on Saturday night.

Sister: But you can’t. You’re already going to the conference.

ME: I know. Boo! (yes, I really use the word “boo” in common, every day conversations).

Sister: So just tell them you can’t present on Saturday night because you’re busy.

Niece: Jocey! (This is what she calls me.) You HAVE to do it! ((slamming her tiny fists down on the carpeting)).

ME: But I can’t. I already have plans.

Niece: But Jocey…((little fists keep slamming)) It’s Saturday Night…you have to do it.

ME: (confused as to why my niece is so concerned with my plans on a Saturday night) But I can’t…I have plans and don’t want to be rude.

Niece: (eyebrows furrowing in a very intense stare) You would rather do your plans then host Saturday Night Live! Come on!

God bless this child who thinks her aunt is cool enough to host Saturday Night Live. Is it possible for me to remain a rock star in her eyes for the rest of my life?  In order to do this, I may have to actually host SNL some day.

End Note:

“Come on!” has become one of my nieces latest catchphrases. That and “In my mind I said…” which is her way of saying, “I thought to myself…”

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”
— Lao-Tzu

It sounds so simple. Be yourself. Yet this might be one of the most difficult tasks we ever attempt. I remember a quote from my childhood that went along the lines of, “the cause of almost all of our unhappiness is the result of comparing ourselves to others.” Who hasn’t compared themselves to a friend, a relative, or a co-worker? With the advent of Facebook, comparisons are almost completely unavoidable.  Comparisons typically don’t lead to boosts in self-esteem. You can always find ways in which your peers are succeeding in the elements of life where you perceive yourself to be failing.  We have a tendency to focus on our flaws instead of embracing what makes us different or unique. We are all authentic beings and we need to revel in this fact.

The other day my niece was telling me a story about how she and a classmate have decided they are twins because they look so much alike. I told her how lucky she was. How I always wished there was someone who looked like me growing up. But no such luck. My hair was dark and wildly curly and I was swimming in a sea of blondes.

“You’re lucky, P.” I said. “No one looked like me when I was your age. No one had my curly hair.”

She paused and looked out the window. I expected her to update me on Dora the Explorer or Fetch with Ruff Ruffman. Put in a request for a peanut butter and jelly.

“But your curly hair makes you unique. And being unique is pretty great.”

Now if only we could all learn to be as confident and accepting as a 7-year old. We are all unique and that makes us all “pretty great.”

Sunday morning I did something completely out of character. I woke up hours before I typically rise, I got dressed hours before “real” clothes find their way to my body and I left the house with a specific destination in mind. A yoga class!

Now this might not seem like a big deal to most blog readers. According to Yoga Journal, nearly 15 million Americans practice yoga. I am not one of those 15 million people because I have, never,  NEVER practiced yoga. But for some unknown reason (if I was already way into yoga I would probably credit the universe) I woke up at an ungodly hour and made my way to a local yoga class.

It was perfect! The lights were low and people were stretching out on their mats. There was zen-like music playing quietly in the background but I could still hear the slightly muffled sounds of Rihanna and Jay-Z coming from the gym a few doors down. It was the perfect mix of east and west. Just enough yoga to not feel like I have abandoned my beloved treadmill.  I came to the realization that I could really get into this yoga thing! (Yes, I’m late jumping on the bandwagon.)

But then I did something drastic. The following day, yesterday, I signed up for a very, VERY advanced yoga class in a yoga school. This wasn’t my gym that offered yoga along with Zumba and pilates and step aerobics. This was strictly for yoga lovers. There were bamboo floors and incense burning in the entry way, the lights were turned out completely and the temperature was at a solid 90 degrees. I sweat so much that I couldn’t keep my hands firmly planted on the mat, hands that were purportedly supporting all of my weight. I was put into positions I never imagined possible. A back bend? Me? And I did it! So there was that glimmer of hope and happiness, a sense of accomplishment and pride. But I got the same feeling of pride from the gym yoga without the fear. Yoga should not be a fearful endeavor, it is all about finding your center and meditating for peace. It should not be about praying to remain injury-free.

So I think I’m sticking with my gym membership and taking the simple, straightforward (and yet still challenging) yoga classes that come with my membership. I’m glad I took a detour onto the wild side and who knows, maybe when my yoga skills progress I will venture to the candlelit side once again. But for now I’m content with my mainstream yoga.

Namaste!

Is life a balance of bitter and sweet? A series of highs and lows?

David Brooks wrote an Op-Ed piece in last week’s New York Times called “The Sandra Bullock Trade.” In his article he asks the philosophical question, “Would you exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow?”

First of all, the professional success is quite an accomplishment and as Brooks points out, it may even cause her to live longer. “Research by Donald A. Redelmeier and Sheldon M. Singh has found that, on average, Oscar winners live nearly four years longer than nominees that don’t win.” But how is your health negatively affected by betrayal, public humiliation and depression? The health gain may actually turn out to be a wash.

Would Sandra give up her Oscar for a healthy and successful marriage? That may sound like a completely unfair choice but it is one that many people have to make. Careers can get in the way of relationships and the stress of a relationship can get in the way of personal success. Critics have even questioned whether it was Sandra’s success that pushed Jesse into the arms of other women. If that is the case, she should consider his exit from her life as a personal success. However, our lives are so intertwined that there is often difficulty in determining where one part of your life ends and the other begins. Instead it is just one continuous stream of thoughts, emotions, events and moments.

David writes, “Nonetheless, if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.”

Is life really a series of ups and downs? When we are on top of the world are we heading for a fall? Should we anticipate that?  Isn’t this a pessimistic and fruitless way to live?

Life is a roller coaster. The grandmother on Parenthood was on to something when she said there were two choices in life, the merry-go-round and the roller coaster. Gil, Steve Martin’s character, is complaining about his complicated life when the grandmother wanders in and says that when she was younger her husband took her on the roller coaster. “Up and down, up and down. Oh what a ride!” she exclaims. “I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”

Yes, life is unpredictable. It is filled with choices. No one knows which path is the “right” one to take or which direction will prove more successful. Worldly success has shallow roots while interpersonal bonds permeate through and through. Ultimately, we have to follow our gut, put one foot in front of the other and strap ourselves into the seat of the roller coaster. We will experience more highs and lows than we can count but hopefully, in the end, we will enjoy the ride and get as much out of it as possible. Maybe even learn a thing or two along the way.

Recently someone picked on me for making sweeping proclamations in writing…maybe even in a blog like this one. I had posted something like, “Here me now! I am going to write a novel!” or “I am going to run every single day of my life!” or “I will read a book a week for the rest of my days on earth!” What can I say, I live with gusto. Honestly, I think that is the best way to live. It is certainly the only way I know how to live. I say, go big or go home. Life can get pretty boring if you quietly go about your every day life without throwing some challenges in your path, without making the most of the small space you were allotted. Life is nothing if not lived with enthusiasm. But guess what? I’m not perfect. My “great plan” is going to lose steam in a day or two. I’m going to change my mind. One day I am going to be happy and excited for my little challenges (reading, writing, running) and other days I am going to feel like I have a tiny rain cloud following me around, bothering no one else but me. Ups and downs. That’s life. Make plans. Break plans. But at least have fun doing it.