Archives for February 2012

Don't Break the Chain

My goal to push myself to write something every single day definitely jumpstarted something in my brain. Of course, it didn’t work entirely. I missed ONE DAY! I didn’t blog yesterday! Actually, in all fairness, I did write a blog post but I wasn’t 100% happy with it so I didn’t publish it. So does that count? I’m not sure. The perfectionist in me says “NO!” If I can’t scroll through 7 consecutive days of posts, then I failed. But what’s great about failing is that it gives you a change in perspective. It gives you another chance to do it again, this time seeing what worked and what didn’t.

I got a little lost in my message. What was my overall purpose for the site? Did I want it to be a design-related blog where I can show off the cute things I find online? Did I want it to be a personal journey blog where I explore things I do and what I learn from them? Did I want it to feel like a self-help blog where I help others? Yes! All of the above! But really, what it all boils down to is that this blog, this Daily Moxie adventure, is getting me in the habit of writing something creative every single day. So once again, I’m going to give it a go. 7 days, 7 blog posts (or more, if I feel like posting more than one in a day). Tuesday to Tuesday.

Jerry Seinfeld once said that his key to success and to become a better comedian was to write something every single day. Seinfeld used (and possibly still uses) a calendar system to hold himself accountable. Every day that he would write, he would put a big red X on that day in the calendar. As the days added up, the chain of red X’s grew. He could literally see his accomplishments physically in front of him and he didn’t want to break the chain. So his advice on becoming better at something is Don’t Break the Chain! You can use this for anything, fitness, family, reading, organizing, cooking. Making sure you do something every single day that is moving you closer to your goal is better than waiting around for inspiration to hit or waiting until you feel “in the mood.” Start now. Do it now! …and don’t break the chain.

Best Traveler

When I was growing up, my parents devised a tactic for getting my brother and sister and I to behave on a trip. At the beginning of every excursion, my parents would announce that whoever behaved the best would win the “Best Traveler Award.” I don’t know how this affected my brother and sister’s attitudes during the trip, as I recall, they were often pretty difficult travelers, but I took this award seriously. Very seriously. I wanted to get my hands on that prize (editorial note: there was never an actual “prize” associated with best traveler, it was just the honor of being labeled best traveler). Martha Beck wrote an article a few years ago for Oprah Magazine about her need for praise and I can’t help but feel this may have been the start of my own unrequited love for those proverbial gold stars.

This hedonistic desire for appreciation, gratitude, and praise can stem from any number of factors. Being a straight-A student, a teacher’s pet, a parent’s favorite, a star athlete. Any way in which you can receive unadulterated praise can cause you to strive for it even more.  Being “the best” becomes part of your identity. It makes you who you are and without it you feel you have failed. It also makes you competitive, controlling and prone to comparing your life to others (which we already know is a bad idea).

I remember on those family trips long ago, I would work so hard to be best traveler, taking mental notes every time I bit my tongue about an ugly hotel room, a less than stellar meal, or a hogged arm rest. My sister was much more relaxed about the award. In all honesty, she didn’t care one bit about winning. (Probably because she knew there was no actual prize involved). So she would freely complain, roll her eyes, send food back and whine. However, I remember one trip in particular, when our travels were coming to an end and for whatever reason (because I know it wasn’t honestly deserved), my mom decided to award my sister with best traveler. I was flabbergasted! I knew she didn’t earn it. There was no way she had been better than me! I had worked so hard for that award and I was absolutely crushed to find it slipping from my grasp.

Looking back on this crushing defeat as an adult, I can begin to understand how much I was hurting myself. I had put my entire definition of self into the praise I received and when I wasn’t the recipient of that praise, I felt lost and unsure of myself. My sister, on the other hand, put no weight in labels or awards, she just lived her life, freely and with abandon. There wasn’t an unequal balance of weight on one characteristic over another. So she could handle getting yelled at with the same attitude as getting praised. They were all equal parts of who she was, not the sole definition. I learned, at a young age, and am still learning now, that to define ourselves by the praise and acceptance of others is to never really know our true self. Stop defining, stop setting boundaries and start living.

Relax and Enjoy the Trip

“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.”  ~ Marquis de Condorcet

My brother recently expressed a very profound observation. He said that most of our unhappiness comes from comparing our inside-self to others outside-self. In other words, we are comparing our emotional baggage, our private thoughts, our worries and fears to the pretty face that other people put on for public consumption. Facebook only aggravates this weakness. Facebook exists for the sole purpose of looking at other people’s lives, peaking into their family vacations, weddings, baby showers and parties, and this leads to the inevitable comparisons. But the problem, the destructive issue I have with Facebook is that it gives people the opportunity to present a false and inflated version of themselves. A perfected version. Then we compare our weaknesses with others strengths. They show where they have excelled, be it in business, family, creativity, friendship, and we compare it with where we fear we have failed. It is an unnatural and unhealthy barrage of information and analysis. What would happen if we stopped comparing? If we gave focus and attention to our successes, to our strengths. If we praised our own achievements with the same admiration that we reserve for strangers.

Everyone is putting the best version of themselves on display but the reality is that no one is safe from obstacles, from difficulties, from tragedy, sadness or struggle.  We don’t know the darkness that resides in the lives of others because they don’t know the challenges we are facing. So embrace the blessings in your life, accept the struggles and know in your heart that no one is perfect.

UPDATE: Stanford recently released a study confirming that yes, Facebook makes us sad.