Throughout our childhood we hear the old adage that our differences are what makes us unique, special, interesting. We are proud of what makes us stand out, what makes us different from our classmates and our friends. We feel a sense of triumph for seeing things a different way, doing things differently, being uniquely our own self. Then we begin our dating life and we search for someone who is just like us, our “other half.” We want someone to, get ready for it, complete us. (Jerry Maguire!) When we find this person, the person, the one we want to spend forever with, our hearts soar in all the ways we are similar. It is no longer about loving the differences in people, we want this person we have chosen to be just like us. We want sameness, we want similarities, we want cohesive structure and equal views on everything, to the point where we begin to tear apart another person’s uniqueness because we don’t like how different it is from ourselves. We want our partner to see things exactly the way we see them. We want everything to the look the same, but through different eyes. You can see where this could be difficult, where we could be putting unwanted pressures on a relationship, creating conflict, dreaming up drama.

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