I write a lot about happy things. About pretty things. Things that you can buy or wear, read and enjoy. I write about going for a run or decorating your house. I write about beauty products that can improve your complexion and make you feel more beautiful. Pretty. Feminine. Loved. I write about all of the things we dream about, desire and want. But what I don’t write about, what I’m afraid to write about, is the truth. I don’t write about my emotions. I don’t write about the heavy weight of sadness, frustration or fear that can sneak up on you and settle in the cracks of your foundation. I don’t write about how imperfect life can be at times. We all strive to put the best version of ourselves online. We edit and tweak, correct and alter. We put this alternate life on our Facebook pages, our Instagram albums, our Twitter feeds. We continue to churn out the glossiest version of our lives. The one that looks the best. The one that will make our enemies jealous and our loved ones proud. But where is the truth? Why are we all so afraid to share the truest version of ourselves? Is it because we worry that opening ourselves up that wide will leave us vulnerable? Easy prey? Will we look pathetic or weak or sad? The truth of the matter is that I have really bad days. I have days that knock me to my knees. Days that make me want to pull the covers over my head and ignore the world outside my window. But I never do pull the covers over my head. I am a determined survivor. I am also a perfectionist. And I’m emotional. Mix all of those factors and you have the perfect combination for anxiety. I’m constantly worried that I’m making the wrong decisions, ruining my life, failing. I worry that I will be plagued with bad luck. I worry that I could be better, smarter, stronger. And then I worry about worrying. Talk about anxiety!

But maybe things could be different. Maybe if I allowed myself to live in the truth, to get my hands dirty with honesty and reality, I could feel a weight lifted from my shoulders? Maybe if I stopped trying to be so perfect and just worked at being the truest, most honest version of myself, the anxiety will abate? Because to be truthful, writing this down, expressing these honest emotions and worries, feels really good. (Thanks, Aidan!) It feels like a sigh of relief. Maybe honesty and truth will make me feel better than polishing and editing reality? Maybe using this website as a way to clear my head of false reality, will inspire me to live my life with more authenticity and intention? Because for the first time, I want to write these words, these truths, for no one else but myself.

As a wise man once said, “Things do not change, we change.” So in the spirit of Thoreau, I’m changing. And so is this site. And so, essentially, is my life.

I can’t think of a better way to end 2012 and ring in 2013 than with the motivation and inspiration to live my real life…and document it.

PS- I will still be posting beautiful, happy, entertaining things here. But I just want to bring a little more honesty to the mix, even if it’s a little ugly at times.

Everything can overwhelm us.

We are programmed to be overwhelmed.

It’s in our DNA. It’s instilled in us from a young age. It grows with age and tightens around us every year.

It starts so young. “I have so much homework!”

“I have so many after school activities.”

“I don’t have time to play, shower, sleep.”

The list goes on and on. We begin bemoaning all of our “to-dos” because they give us a sense of importance. “Look how busy/important/smart I am.” The more you have to do, the more adult you are. The less you have to do, the more childlike. Why is being childlike so bad? Why do we look down on people who talk about the relaxing day they had reading/writing/watching bad reality tv/playing? Maybe if we spent our time seeking out the things that bring us the most joy and work towards creating time and space for them in our busy/hectic/overwhelming lives, we would feel more satiated, more centered, more FULL. Life should be FULL. It should be FULL of happiness, it should be FULL of enjoyment, it should be FULL of accomplishments that make us proud.

Prioritize the things that really matter. Make time for the enjoyment that you are “working towards.” There is an old cliche about a man on his deathbed and how no one will ever hear him say, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” It’s true. You will never wish you took more business calls or spent more hours at your desk. You will never live out your full potential if you spend your day wishing you were somewhere else, doing something else. The only way you will really begin to appreciate your life is to really LIVE it. Live every inch of it. Do the things that you know will make you happy. Because in those moments of doing what makes you happy, you might just stumble upon that which will fulfill you and make your dreams come true. Find your groove and live there.

The days are long but the years are short. We hear this often but we don’t really listen. It is important to really LISTEN. To NOTICE. To pay attention to all that is going on around us. The desire to find the easy way out, the shortest path, the quickest way to do things, feel things, process things is always the one we are most drawn to and seek out most frequently. But sometimes we have to get through something slowly, diligently, with patience and resolve. The obstacles life throws us will be rough, difficult, verging on impossible. They challenge us. They push us. They scare us. But the only way to get over something is to go through it. To feel every inch of it, no matter how painful or difficult. Life is a roller coaster filled with ups and downs. None of it can be expected, prepared for or predicted. We can only strap ourselves in, take a deep breath and move forward. We have to believe in ourselves, believe in the path and have hope, faith and grace. There is no easy way out, no magic pill, no instruction manual. Life is difficult. But it is also beautiful and miraculous and filled with blessings. Enjoy your days and find the blessings in every moment. Years from now you will thank yourself for having faith and you will feel proud of yourself for surviving. Even thriving.

“You are not your to do list. You are not your have-nots or must-dos. You are not your job. Although your first waking thoughts likely focus on the needs of others and all the things you want to accomplish, you are, most important, yourself. Take time every day to remember that – even if it means running away from everyone and everything you love so you come back refreshed and recharged. The world can wait. You shouldn’t have to.” -Self Magazine, November 2012

Do you ever notice that the more you do for people, the more you resent them or the time you lost? Even if these are the people you love most in the world and you are doing things that you really want to do, you can sometimes still feel deflated afterwards. There has been a lot of talk about the power of meditation and yoga and relaxation. The reason these activities are growing in popularity is not because we are becoming a more spiritual population but because we are realizing the importance of giving ourselves something so precious and fleeting, time. We are often so busy running around doing for others, even at the expense of our own inner peace. What we don’t realize is that by constantly giving of ourselves to others, we are taking away our own personal comfort. Always being there for others is a sign of great character and kindness. It is a powerful gift and one that should never be taken for granted. However, the word selfish gets a bad reputation. Sometimes being selfish is the greatest gift you can give to yourself…and to others. Taking time for yourself, saying “no” to a request, stepping away from everyone to give yourself a moment to regroup and relax is sometimes the best thing you can do for others. By resting and doing what YOU want, you will be recharged and ready to help others tackle their problems, support them when they need you or celebrate their achievements.  Putting yourself first can give you that boost of confidence and clear thinking that will help you take the next steps in your generous life.