There are moments when I feel that my time is not my own. People pulling at me from all directions. Wanting something from me. Wanting my words, my advice, my thoughts, even just my presence. More often than not I want desperately to give my time to these people, these loved ones or colleagues. I am more than happy to be fully present for them. I am honored that they want my time. But sometimes there are days when I feel burned out, when I feel that the treadmill I am running on is set too high and I need to take a break. I need to jump off, regroup, rest and catch my breath before I end up stretching myself too thin and ultimately snapping.

When I snap I don’t do it externally. I don’t yell or cry or become a difficult, tempestuous person. No, I internalize. I over analyze and stress and worry. I fear I am letting people down because I am not able to be fully present. I question my choices and calculate my options. I push myself to the breaking point and then wonder why everything starts falling apart at the seams.  I break plans, I break promises, I break down.

I can’t be everywhere for everyone. I can’t do everything, be everything, solve everything. Sometimes saying “no” to someone else is saying “yes” to myself. As hard as it is for me to say no, worrying that I am letting someone down, it is imperative that I stay focused and centered, that I allow myself time to rest, time to regroup, time to breath.  Because it is in these moments of silence, of solitude, of rest that we are able to rebuild and strengthen. Like a muscle that has been pulled too hard and throbs with tension and pain, the only way to heal that muscle is to rest. So I am resting.  I am regrouping. I am finding my center and ultimately peace. And then I will be able to jump back in to my busy, hectic, exuberant life and give all the time in the world.

Workout: Ran 4.5 miles/45 minutes. After a long weekend with too many snacks, the treadmill kicked my butt. I should blame the Cheesecake Factory turkey club but it was just TOO GOOD and I refuse to say anything negative about my beloved club.

Right now, as I compile my Christmas list, I’m thinking I might need to add some workout gear/clothes to my list for Santa.

It seems even celebrities have to stop and shop for active gear.

I’m feeling like I need some tank tops and capri running pants. I need to schedule a trip to Marshalls and TJMaxx to see if I can find some Nike stuff at a reasonable price.  If anyone can recommend some good online spots for affordable, name-brand active wear, let me know!

I love this post!

I head to Australia with OPRAH!!

I don’t know what has come over me but I have such a tremendous desire to cook, craft and create! (The three C’s!)

I may have to pull out my old sewing machine and get to work on these fantastic Thanksgiving napkins!  I must admit that I have not used a sewing machine since high school home ec and I still have an unfinished quilt sitting in my closet to prove it.

My new go-to dinner is so simple and yet completely satisfying and delicious. Marinated steak tips (or just a strip steak cut into bite sized pieces), crumbled blue cheese, baby spinach and a creamy balsamic dressing. Add salt if desired.

It takes under 20 minutes to prepare and tastes like a gourmet meal.

Enjoy!

On Friday it will be my niece, Sweet P’s, 8th birthday. I still can’t believe that the little girl I watched cling to life with tiny, birdlike fingers will be turning 8! The little girl who arrived three months early, weighing just over 2lbs is now the tallest girl in her class. How does that happen? Yesterday she came over to tell me all about her birthday party and how she is inviting her entire class (even the boys!) to a bowling party. She was so excited and practically spilling over with joy at the thought of a birthday party. She clutched the bright pink Hello Kitty invitations in her hands and the happiness danced in her eyes.

I couldn’t help but let the tiny thoughts of fear sneak into my mind, as they so often do when moments of pure joy engulf us. Because with excitement comes disappointment. What if the boys create trouble? What if the girls create drama? What if not everyone comes to little Sweet P’s party? I know that the path ahead of her will inevitably be filled with stones. She’ll trip and fall. She may even get hurt. We all do. It is inevitable in life that you fly and you fall, peaks and valleys. But when looking at her innocent, joyful face, I want nothing more than to protect her from anything and everything dark and cloudy. But I know I can’t do this, in the same way my mother couldn’t do it for me and I won’t be able to do it for my children. We have to let our loved ones fall because only when they fall do they learn how to pick themselves up and keep moving forward, climbing towards the next peak (or in this case, Hello Kitty birthday party).

Busy, busy weekend! Went to a wild and crazy birthday party for a 2-year-old and his 5-year-old brother (they were born 10 days apart). It’s all working out now but once they start asserting their independence, it could become a little difficult for their parents’ to do the joint birthday party thing.

Hit downtown Salem for some dinner and drinks with friends. Salem in October is quite a trip and definitely not to be missed! It is packed with people, all dressed in costume and extremely festive. Halloween is not just another holiday around here.

Finally, I will be blogging about my Australian Adventure with Oprah for The Boston Globe.

A writer whom I very much admire posed an interesting question this week. She wrote a blog post about the struggle to achieve balance in life. She was referring to her own struggles as a working mother. I am not yet a mother, but I am a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a girlfriend and a working woman. I, too, face a daily struggle to keep my life in balance.

The writer asked, “Do you ever doubt the choices you have made – and are making – about the way you spend your time?

I faced this exact dilemma over the weekend. As the owner of my own company, I work 80 plus hours a week. My life is my job. I have been doing it for almost 7 years and have built a successful company but with success comes sacrifice. When the weekends come I am able to see the draining effects of work.  I literally run myself ragged Monday through Friday and oftentimes even on the weekend. However, when I am given a free weekend with no obligations, I become selfish. I don’t want to venture out. I don’t want to see or do anything. I want to curl up in bed with a book or catch up on my reality television. Unfortunately, this is not very conducive to having, making or keeping friends. So I have to give of myself to make others happy, even if it is not something I feel like doing.

Why do I feel this urge to put others first even if I so desperately need the time to myself, to recharge, unwind, take stock of my life and just relax? But here is the catch. Typically, when I end up “forcing” myself to get out of bed and DO something, I almost never regret it. For example, this weekend, I promised my brother I would take him out for a night on the town. (We live in a small New England town, so a night on the town isn’t as wild and electric as it sounds.) But it was wonderful! We had dinner at a fantastic little restaurant, ate the best food I have ever had and then went for drinks at a local bar. Just me, my brother and M. We laughed, we talked, we shared stories and jokes. It was good. It was enjoyable. It was fun. It was exactly what I needed but not what I thought I wanted. It wasn’t a night spent lounging in bed, doing nothing. And now it’s Monday and I’m back to work, burning the midnight oil so to speak. The weekend seems so far away and my days of anticipated relaxation are behind me now. But I don’t regret giving away my free time. My balance is completely off, but I’m okay with that. I enjoyed myself and I laughed and sometimes that is the best relaxation you can ask for. Maybe sometimes we don’t know what’s best for us and it’s smart to just go with the flow, wherever it may take you.