Archives for 2010

I’m amazed sometimes when I see what people are capable of doing to change and improve their lives. These people have hope and believe in the possibility of great things happening at any given moment. They are optimistic and energetic and inspiring. But here is the interesting thing about people who make great things happen in their lives, at some point along the way they felt like giving up. They felt like throwing in the towel and wallowing in their own self-pity. Why? Because it is a lot easier to collapse, to pull the sheets over your head and cry until your face is puffy and tear stained and your eyes are swollen. It is a lot easier to say “Why me?” then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and push forward. And even the people who have made huge strides in their life and are either on the brink of success or smack dab in the middle of it, they still feel like failures from time to time. They, too, have bad days. Worthless days when they feel like everything and everyone is conspiring against them.

The most important thing is to keep on going! Keep pushing through the dark times, through the difficult times, through the times when you are convinced that nothing is ever going to go right. Don’t say, “who cares?” or “why should I even bother?” You should ALWAYS care because we only get one shot at this thing called life and we owe it to ourselves, and to everyone who has ever or will ever love us, to give it all we’ve got.

I lost two people this year and it made me question the meaning of life A LOT! It made me wonder why we even bother making friends or loving people if we are just going to lose them. Throughout the year I have faced some really dark days but also some really beautiful days. That is what life is all about, peaks and valleys. Make the most of those peaks, squeeze every bit of beauty and appreciation out of them. See every beautiful star in the sky, watch every sunrise with awe, soak in the sound of children laughing or the rhythmic beauty of waves crashing on the beach. Breathe it, feel it, live it. And when things go wrong, or darkness falls, as it will from time to time, barrel through. Endure it, learn from it and move on. Take pride in your life. Be kind to yourself and throw as much love out into the world as you possibly can and I promise it will all come back to you in ways you never expected.

Love, love, love,

Jocelyn

It hasn’t been officially confirmed by Bravo but US Magazine is reporting that the newest cast member to the Real Housewives of NYC is Cindy Barshop, owner of Completely Bare, a chain of spas specializing in hair removal. I’m sure this will lead to some very uncomfortable and way too personal conversations with the women, particularly Ramona Singer who has spent the past few seasons telling us about her sweating problem. Apparently the Real Housewives franchise had to scramble to find a replacement for the beloved Bethenny who just announced that her solo series will be coming back for a second season…no word on what the name will be but they do have to change it from Bethenny Getting Married? to something a little more relevant (considering the question was answered last year when Bethenny DID get married…and had a baby to boot).  How about Bethenny Getting Richer! ? That way they can cover everything from her new book to her workout video to her Skinnygirl mixed drinks. Did that sound snarky? I’m sorry if it did…it’s just that I much preferred Bethenny when she was the voice of reason on the RHONYC…now that she is solo, she just kind of rubs me the wrong way…but maybe I liked her better when she was the underdog. Now that she’s the “Top Dog” things aren’t as fun.

I am beyond excited to begin my Australian adventure! Every Australian picture I have stumbled across seems to depict a bright, sunshine-filled wonderland of adventure, lush tropical life, bustling cities and enormous expanses of beaches.  The people seem larger than life and there doesn’t seem to be a shortage in activities (snorkeling anyone?). To be a part of the Oprah Show audience when Oprah herself made the announcement still seems surreal. There I was, sitting next to my mother, surrounded by friendly strangers, all anticipating Ms. O’s appearance on stage. What will the topic of the show be? Will it be the premiere episode? Will there be a celebrity guest?

When I first found out I was going, I immediately started going through my litany of to-do lists and obligations. I feared that taking a break wasn’t a realistic or even doable possibility. “I can’t go halfway across the world in less than three months?” I said to myself. “That is completely unrealistic and just plain crazy.” I live a life of routine. My days blend effortlessly into one another and I rarely stray from my path. I work diligently and consistently and every to-do list that I create in the morning, I have completed by the time I go to bed. Australia wasn’t on my to-do list. Australia wasn’t even a tiny speck on the horizon. Travel wasn’t in the itinerary for my life right now. But then life took me on a wild ride. Flown to Chicago, put up in the Omni Hotel on Michigan Avenue, a dinner overlooking the city lights, none of this was planned. It all came out of nowhere. And now this. A trip to Australia out of the blue! And I get to go with my mother. I get to build memories and experience the trip of a lifetime.

Now I get to create a brand new to do list. “Things to do to prepare for Australia!”

-Get a passport!

I can’t wait to cross that off my list. Stay tuned…

Today on a walk with my mother, she gave me some powerful advice. As we walked in a rhythmic balance through the tree-lined streets, I complained about a number of issues I was dealing with on a daily basis. I was venting my way through a laundry list of stressors  that were clogging my brain and inhibiting my ability to just enjoy what was going on in the here and now.  Then my mother said they exact right words at the exact right time.

“You can’t change your entire life in one day, but you can change one thing,” she said. And then she continued, “You can do one thing differently every single day of your life and it can be as small as you want. It can be as simple as going somewhere different for lunch or emailing someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile. The key is to do one thing, just one thing, differently. Change your routine in the tiniest way and it will change your entire life.” Do I need to tell you that my mom is a really smart woman or are you already getting the picture?

What she said made complete sense! I realized that I do what most people do, I get stuck in a rut. I keep doing the same exact things hoping for different results (isn’t this also the definition of crazy?) and wonder why I am repeatedly disappointed.

So I took my mother’s advice! Instead of spending my Saturday reading on my back deck (which, don’t get me wrong, is a FANTASTIC way to spend a Saturday but it has become a bit of a routine for me), I took a day trip to a gorgeous seaside town. I shopped, I walked, I ate a delicious dinner and I enjoyed every single minute of this beautiful, beautiful Saturday in August.

So I am going to open this up to you, dear readers.

-Do you ever find yourself doing the same thing, making the same mistakes, and optimistically hoping for a different reaction or result?

-Have you ever tried switching things up? Changing your routine? Has it worked?

-What is the best way to get yourself out of a funk?

Oh I am a bit of an emotional mess today.

I made the mistake of thinking too much. Does that ever happen to you? You start analyzing where you are in this crazy, mixed up ride we call life. I started thinking about where I thought I would be, and compared it with where I am. Yes, they are very different places but one can’t really be compared to the other, it’s like apples and oranges. BUT this is also a SUNDAY and don’t we all know how Sunday’s can play with our minds a bit.

It’s cold outside, even though it’s AUGUST and New England weather is supposed to be kind to us in AUGUST because it beats the cr-p out of us all year long (Blizzards in April? Oh yeah, we’ve got those).  So it’s freezing cold, it’s the weekend, the time for playing and having fun…ideally on beaches and in pools… and I am sort of trapped inside because I am a wimp and don’t feel like braving the cold.

So instead I’m surfing the internet. Then I start beating myself up (because I do that so well!) for spending a perfectly good, if slightly cold, day on the internet. It’s as gluttonous as watching TV! I yell to myself. I want to be productive and accomplish so many good things that will allow me to look back on the weekend and say, “Good job, Jocelyn! Look at how much you got done!” But instead I will say, “Did you really spend your day on your computer? The exact thing you spend Monday through Friday doing and cursing at!?”

So yes, I am feeling like a bit of waster of time. And I’m sure I will look back on this blog post and say, “Did you really write that? For all the world (one person?) to read?”

And because it is SUNDAY and I am in an emotional and sad state I will feel bad about it…for about a minute until I realize that Big Brother is on tonight and I love me some bad reality television.

So that’s my day, folks. Let me know how you spent YOUR weekend…but if you did a lot of great, exciting stuff, don’t bother leaving a comment…I don’t want to know.

Here are just a few things I’m loving today:

This kitten makes me happy.

This is a really funny visual description of what an overnight flight feels like.

You will want to send a thank you note after going here.

I want to read this book.

They are feeding into my guilty pleasure!

{Photo by The Cherry Blossom Girl}

I have been thinking a lot about optimism and how important it is to possess this trait in your daily life. We are constantly faced with issues and dilemmas, obstacles that make us think we are failing or not living the “ideal” life.  We get down on ourselves and tend to adopt a “woe is me” attitude. The truth is that being optimistic is hard. It’s actually much easier to wallow in misery and feel like we are getting the short end of the stick. It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to blame. It’s easy to find fault with other people and circumstances that leave us feeling deprived. We get stuck in destructive patterns and stop looking for the silver lining. It is so important to always look for that silver lining because the amazing thing is that there really is a silver lining to every single failure, tragedy or sadness in our lives. Sometimes it might be harder to find, but even the act of looking for it can bring about a complete change in attitude.

There is a series of HBO documentaries called Masterclass. Recently they featured the playwright Edward Albee. He made an interesting (and uplifting) point about failure and mistakes.

“I think people should be adventuresome,” Albee said. “I think people should make mistakes. Make the interesting mistakes. The trick is making more interesting mistakes and doing stuff that you may regret, but what’s wrong with that? There’s more regret in what you don’t do than what you do.”

{Thank you to The Dating Optimist for bringing this fantastic and inspiring quote to my attention. I am now addicted to her blog.}

So start looking for that silver lining, because it’s always there!

I find it humorous and a little ironic that my last post was on how stressed out I was and then I ceased blogging all together. I know why I stopped and it is something that has happened before with this blog. I tried to force it into a specific direction. I tried to give it a theme, a niche, when all I really want this blog to be is a place for me to record my thoughts. I write for other sites that are very specific in their content. With those sites, I don’t deviate from the subject matter that the blogs revolve around. But Daily Moxie is supposed to be my own tiny space, a small section of fast and far reaching world wide web that is just for me and my thoughts. I’m sorry I abandoned my original intent and started to turn this blog into something that it was never meant to be. Daily Moxie is my place to clear my mind, reflect on my life and find inspiration. Daily Moxie is my lazy Sunday.

Today I was up early and outside immediately, enjoying the dry air and warm sunshine that hasn’t been present much this summer. We have been plagued with deep humidity for the past month and the cool air today felt like heaven. I took a long walk with my mom, dropped off a baby gift for my neighbor and stopped by the beach to take in the awe-inspiring site of large waves and smell the salty air that was filled with the Sunday night scent of hot dogs and hamburgers and the grills they sizzled on.  A perfect Sunday!

Today I went for a walk through my hometown. The sun was shining, the air was cool and there was a beautiful, heavy breeze blowing. I have spent the past 31 years of my life in this town and yet I think I really saw it for the first time today. Absolutely beautiful. Breathtaking. Stunning. These are the same streets I stumbled through as a giggling teenager. I went for grade school walks with my classmates down these cobblestone streets. I drove these historical streets as a newly minted driver, sixteen and tightly clutching the steering wheel. But today, it was the first time I really saw and appreciated the beauty right outside my back door. I believe that experiences enrich our souls and enliven our spirits. They inspire and teach. They allow us to appreciate the beauty in the every day and help us not take things for granted.

I could have spent the day hunched over a keyboard, staring blankly into a computer screen. I could have numbed my senses with a television show of the reality variety (a personal favorite of mine). But instead I chose to explore, to listen, to talk and to appreciate. Last year at this time I lost someone very special to me. I’m glad that this year was spent enjoying the beauty that is all around us. I sometimes think the secret to happiness is the ability to pay attention to and appreciate the little joys in life. They really are all around us, we just have to look for them.

If anyone has ever worried about arriving too late for a surprise party and potentially ruining said surprise, let me tell you that I did exactly that on Saturday night…and lived to tell the disastrous tale.

The surprise party was scheduled for 8pm at a hotel in Boston. My cousin and her husband would be eating dinner at the hotel and we were to all wait in the bar area on the second floor. I arrived at exactly 8pm…on the dot…because I am nothing if not prompt. As I spun my way through the revolving door, I saw my cousin heading out of the restaurant and into the bathroom. (Problem with surprise parties in hotels…typically the bathroom is in the lobby…a lobby that needs to be crossed at all bathroom intervals…a lobby that could be entered at any point by a surprise party-goer.) So she saw me. We locked eyes but she looked down and continued on her way. My first optimistic thought was, “She didn’t see me! I made it under the radar!” Then common sense kicked in and I began to realize that she MUST have seen me. There was no way she couldn’t have seen me. There was no one else in the lobby but me and my cousin. She definitely saw me. So then I thought, “Well, she must know about the surprise party and will therefore continue with the facade. She’ll act surprised when she arrives at the party and our momentary eye-lock will be our own dirty family secret. (Everyone has those, right?) So I proceeded to the party. Told my other cousin that I had almost been spotted but we were in the clear!

Then my cousin arrived at her party.

We yelled surprise.

She looked into the gathered group of friends and family, smiled weakly and said, “I saw Jocelyn. I figured out what was up.”

At this point everyone turned to stare at me, the ruiner of the party. (Not a real word, but it fits the description of my role at the party.) Why my cousin couldn’t have just pretended to be surprised, I may never know. But that’s what family is for, right, to confuse and baffle us all.

I sucked up all the moxie I could and continued to smile and socialize, knowing full well that everyone viewed me as enemy #1. I ate, drank and was as merry as possible. And that was how I spent my Saturday night…how was yours?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day! If you are a mother, I hope you were lavished with love and attention. I also hope everyone bestowed love on their mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters and friends. I think Mother’s Day is about recognizing the women in your life who have helped you grow, provided you with comfort and given you strength. When women work together instead of against each other, when they encourage and support, amazing things can happen. We are so often caught up in a vicious cycle of envy, jealousy, anger and frustration and we take it out on those closest to us. We compare ourselves and measure each other’s lives, our successes and our failures. We need to learn to adjust our way of viewing the world and the people in our lives. We need to open up our hearts and give and receive more love than we know what to do with. We need to stop comparing and competing and just enjoy the ride.

Tonight I was lucky enough to visit with my mother and two of her closest friends. They live on opposite sides of the country, so getting together is no longer as simple as a car ride. It requires planes and luggage and timing. But tonight the stars aligned and these three phenomenal women were able to sit down together on Mother’s Day and talk and laugh and visit. They were able to look back on their crazy single days, talk about their children and what it feels like to love and lose and love again. It was such a great night and it reminded me how important it is to have strong women in your life. How important friendship is and how often we take it for granted. Mother’s Day is a reminder to me of the women in our lives who help shape us, who help us become who we were always meant to be, who love us unconditionally.

Happy Mother’s Day!